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Testimony of Hope Universe, a 34-year-old French woman, about her outpatient treatment at Takiwasi.

It took me two months of outpatient treatment at Takiwasi to free myself from everything that was preventing me from truly living and having a future.

I am someone who believes that anything is possible, who has always had hope, faith in humanity, and who loves unconditionally. But I was also deeply uncomfortable in my own skin, tormented by a past that endlessly replayed in my mind, trapped by traumatic experiences that left me unable to manage my emotions and my self-destructive impulses (self-harm), which also prevented me from sleeping at night. I had reached a point where I was afraid to sleep. I spent most of my life surviving, and surviving is not truly living. I wanted to get better, but I did not know how.

My body, my soul, my entire being had endured so much: sexual abuse during childhood, psychiatric treatments, hospitalization in a psychiatric unit, a period when hard drugs allowed me to numb everything and made life more bearable in the moment, the deaths of most of my friends, the rape I suffered five years ago, repeated experiences of abandonment, and self-harm, which allowed me to release my suffering through my blood.

I was aware that many things had been inflicted upon me against my will, but I also chose at times to inflict suffering on my own body. I went so far into self-destruction, into an unconscious form of suicide, that I no longer knew how to save myself—until that unforgettable night in a dream.

Ayahuasca came to me when I had begun imagining the end of my life. I still cannot explain what happened that night. Soon afterward, I started researching and understood that this plant was going to save me. When I searched for a place where I could experience it, I came across Takiwasi’s website.

From there, I gathered information, and the only thing that might have discouraged me was not speaking Spanish. Fortunately, I discovered that some people working at the Center spoke French. So I got in touch, completed my application, and when I received a positive response from the Center, I felt immense happiness and relief that they had accepted me. I told myself that all was not lost, that I was not a hopeless case.

Takiwasi had become my symbol of hope. I placed all my trust in this therapy because, if it had not worked, I would not be here today.

My therapy included energy assessment interviews with Jacques (thank you for your work and for always being so accurate), master plants, purgative ceremonies, especially purgahuasca, which was the most intense purgative experience but ultimately the most beneficial, ayahuasca sessions that I experienced like Alice in Wonderland, as well as a kind of “communion” with the plant. Everything I asked, it seemed to answer with kindness, teaching and freeing me. It felt magical, even when I moved from laughter to tears without any control over my body. It also included psychological support (Fabienne, thank you for crossing my path, and a thousand thanks for everything you did for me).

During those two months, I reconciled with my inner child, my femininity, my mother, my sexuality, men, and above all with life and death. I began to believe in Jesus Christ and to pray. I must say that I had always believed in angels and archangels, but not in Christ. Yet it is thanks to Him that I no longer harm myself.

Since returning to France, I am no longer afraid to sleep. I pray. I no longer dwell on what happened to me. It feels as though those events are distant memories that no longer have any hold over my daily life, and honestly, that feels wonderful. I experience an inner peace that I never thought possible.

In a way, I believe I died in order to be reborn.

Strangely, since my return, life has presented me with all the situations that would once have triggered my instinctive reactions: using drugs and harming myself. But now, instinctively, I write to release my emotions, and then I pray. I never imagined that prayer could bring me such genuine comfort and support.

I know I have come a long way and that my journey is still ongoing, so I intend to continue working on myself. But I feel confident and at peace about what the universe and the future hold for me.

When my loved ones and colleagues saw me again, they admitted they had doubts and concerns about this therapy. Yet every one of them told me that I looked more radiant, more luminous, and that the strain and exhaustion that once marked my face had disappeared.

I must admit I was happy that the people around me noticed it. It proves that a real transformation has taken place, both inwardly and outwardly.

If I feel so comfortable in my own skin now, it is because I no longer feel broken. I feel loved, I feel that I have the right to exist, and that makes all the difference.

I would like to thank everyone who works at Takiwasi. Thank you all for your kindness. Thank you for helping me experience a sense of safety that I had never truly known before. Thank you for doing what you do. Thank you, simply, for existing.